Devastating Distance

You've seen this before. The chance encounter. The little sparks. The following flames.

O, how they burn you after they leave.

Yet it is of no fault of theirs.

S is, like many others, a young boy of southern charm. I had met him on an occasion. This was a chance occasion, which came unto me upon a random encounter asking me to join a game of badminton. So I ended up signing up for a little 'gay games' styled track and field event cum badminton competition. S was to be paired with me and another friend.

He came to me. Tall, dark and unassumingly handsome. Cliche as it may be, he almost had me at hello. As the games progressed, it seemed to me that we had somewhat of a mutual preference for hard shots. No pun intended. I had delusions of training with him in future but I knew deep down that it was a slim possibility. We lost. Grudgingly so. We could have done a lot better.

The games progressed over 2 days. I hoped to dine with him on Day 1 but was unfortunately relying on someone else for transportation and went our separate ways. I didn't think much of it. Day 2 ended similarly. I felt that we got closer during Day 2, which was when we ran for track and field. Maybe it was the camaraderie of being on the same team, or just me observing that he tended to come close whenever we weren't doing anything. These are the times I hate the social recluse in me the most. We parted ways like most would. A simple goodbye wave. I would miss him, and add him on Facebook. He would accept... and we would continue to communicate. The day was June 2. I went home to wish mummy dearest a happy birthday.

Fast forward almost a month later, we discovered that we're running the in the upcoming Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2013. The event was postponed due to a bad haze. Despite all of this, S still wanted to visit KL to catch up with old friends. I took the chance to invite him to stay with me. He had other plans at first but accepted to stay one night anyhow. I was ecstatic to say the least. Saturday was when we would meet. He had stayed with his colleagues the night before and I was to bring him around town. I learnt that he used to work in PJ. In the shopping mall we met, too. After bringing him to meet a friend, we would continue to yet another shopping mall instead.

We had lunch and ice cream made from liquid nitrogen. I clearly remember us not enjoying the sights so much and not even shopping. But I had enjoyed the company a little too much. We adjourned to meet with the same group we played badminton with before for dessert and dinner, followed by more drinks. I felt so obliged that the group came together. I would have been lost at figuring out what to do next with S.

After filling up ourselves completely, we returned to my home, and watched a movie together. Specifically, The Impossible. He had no love for rom-coms, had watched other blockbusters before and so that was the logical pick left. What followed later would be the crux of my falling for him.

....to be dwelled upon in the next post.

Baiting and Biting

A bug bit, and here I am.

There's not gonna be excuses for me not being around. I have none. This and all of these have been and shall be, products of a whim. A warning to those who know me. This time it's about me, and it's gonna be graphic.

Not so long ago, in a steam room not so far away at the fitness club I go to, I felt an exuberance of friskiness. It was one of those love-hate moments you get with yourself, where wave after wave of internal heat courses through your veins, and in my case, one of the larger ones down there. I might have let it pass as usual, but the pulses wouldn't stop. As fate would have it, I was alone in the steam room for all of 5 minutes. The crowd outside was mostly dressing up as it was a weekday. I had time to spare, and for all of 5 minutes I was determined to release the tension building down below with moistened hands.

Lo and behold, the steam room door slowly opens. I calmly hid my impatience under a bunched towel, because a well folded towel just doesn't sit well with me. A guy walks in. 30s, a little shorter and leaner than me, and glistening with sweat. Great. Divine intervention to tame the beast, I thought. I thought wrong.

It began subtly, one glance at me, one glance away. One glance again before his eyes sink a little lower to where it matters, and his hands a little closer to his inner thighs, where matters rose quickly. I am no stranger to the torrent of signals constantly streaming through the walls of the men's locker room, but I have also yet to take part in it, until today. I make eye contact, smirk, nod, and leave. A quick hop out and a flash of a shower later, I'm in the sauna, and there he was. His position strategic, his towel loosened, and his tension matching mine.

I sat to his right where he can reach me, but far enough to be out of sight. He has a view of oncoming traffic, but the rest of him is well hidden from public sight. The both of us removed our towels and kept our hands to ourselves at first. Shy, perhaps? The irony. He initiated. The both of us went at it like little kids having the time of their lives with their first experience of a thrilling video game, only with a larger joystick. Each stroke getting closer and closer to the highscore. Finally, without warning, he let go of me, stood up, faced me, aimed, and shot. He took a quick glance outside before sitting down to play with me. I appreciated the helping hand, very much.

I'll spare the boring details of cleaning up but rest assured, we both started our day right.


Dangerously Detailed,

D.

A Brief Respite

Lately, things have been hectic to say the least.

So many plans, so much exercise, and progress too. I'm fitting in some shirts I never thought I would. And size 36 is now a loose size. :) yay yay yay!

These 2 months have given me many new friends, new experiences, new priorities and still opportunities to revel in my current lifestyle. But it's taking a toll, and I grow more and more tired each day. The good part is, I feel more and more satisfied too. :)

Long way more to go though, so I thought a short lil break from the world to clear my mind would be great.

That, and listening to the heart melting voice of Mr. Gerald Ko. I would so make out with him. Listen to him cover one of my favourite songs.

I'd like to make myself believe~

Have a great November, guys.

New Old O.U.

I just came home from the newly renovated old wing of 1U/OU (1Utama) shopping centre with mom and lil' bro.

After a heavy meal at Pasta Zanmai, which had quickly become my favourite place to dine, wherever they may be, we headed to scout the shops that have opened up. Most of them were the same, except for a few notably new outlets like Gadget Republic and Food Republic. I know. Naming conventions. Feh.

So on we went to the main tenant that got the facelift. Jusco. It really was just that. A facelift. As much as I approve of the new layout, it was pretty confusing since we had to relearn it. The sports section was pushed all the way to the lower ground, where the Arena food court remains (half of it anyway).

Bought my first pair of boxers. another pair of shorts for running (these were football shorts since they were the cheapest available without a lot of cotton), then went home.

Definitely will go back during the sales period again.

Definitely,

D

F - Fascinated. Fawning. Fiddlesticks

I was invited to a gathering of sorts in a classy yet quaint little place called F in Bangsar.

It was a catching up session for most of the guys, and an introduction for me. It turns out, half of them were juniors from my secondary school. Juniors. Makes me feel old. Overall, the session was pretty awesome. I'm glad to see that some guys in this circle are so cultured.

But I have to admit... I didn't simply join the gathering for what it is. I simply liked the company of a certain someone. Don't think he notices...yet. I think I've gotten really good at hiding my feelings.

Dunno what to Do,
D

The Binge - Part 2

Finally, some spare time before the weekend starts and I'm off with my usual.

While it's been more than a week since the second binge weekend, I still vividly remember my... epicurial transgressions, however fleeting and flurried they were for that period in time.

That Saturday morning was an early one as usual, but I wasn't running anywhere or at the club swimming. I had my bag packed with a few pieces of clothing and my favourite body wash. With that, off I went to fetch the colleague and friend. The 2 of us made quick way up north, to Bidor. Ah, what else would we be savouring at this tiny town but the noodles and little pieces of fried yam filled with braised pork. Pun Chun has been consistently offering their tasty morsels for years on end now and this time was no different. After we were done with our meal, we decided to buy a few bags of goodies; Chicken Biscuits, Sat Kei Mah and what not. The nice aunt manning the counter who I now know is a Buddhist, gave me an extra pack, gratis, because she noticed my um.... very profound shirt. It says "Treat others like how you would be treated". An old Confucian saying. Well worth a bag of Chicken Biscuits, I say.

Fast forward to about 2 pm, we had arrived at Georgetown, all the way blabbering about our other colleagues, life in general, fishing. artillery, gadgets and cars. The kind of conversations that never get boring. I still remembered the road to the place my family knows endearingly as Chung Nam, while in fact its name had changed to Keat Seng. This quaint hawker joint at Kampung Melayu holds a special place in my heart, having visiting the place every time I return to my father's hometown. The lady selling Duck Mee Suah still remembers me. She smiles tiredly at me, being one of the last few working the stalls this late into lunch, I can understand why. I do love her dishes, but since it's not a recognised Penang dish, and it's got a herbal soup base, Duck Mee Suah isn't exactly the staple dish of the day for many people. Unfortunately, My devious cravings and I decided to go for Koay Teow Thng instead. My colleague was full so he only sampled a little of my soup, and exclaimed with excitement that he must have a bowl.....tomorrow. I hinted to the nice lady that I would be back for her Mee Suah the following day, and we headed off.

Driving for 4 hours takes a toll on, well, almost anyone. So wenapped the moment we arrived at my aunt's place. Come dinner, we already had plans to meet up with a few clients of ours who stay locally. After a few quick turns around the corner, we arrived at Lebuh Chulia. The two late-middle aged men whom we were to meet up with were already there with their families, enjoying a bit of fruit juice, which they claim is very popular there. We did eventually have some, but one should note, nutmeg is not for everyone. I still firmly believe in Pat Poh herbal tea everytime I'm in Penang. That or almond milk. During this trip, I had discovered Keat Poh, which is akin to a lime variant of Pat Poh. Excellent after a blazing hot dayin the sun.

It was 6.30 p.m. and some of the stalls weren't open yet. But we couldn't wait long, and so we shared a bowl of Wan Tan Mee while waiting for the main 'daichow' stall to open. We went a little crazy and ordered Sah Hor Fun, Yee Fu Mee and Hokkien Char just for the both of us. Just when we thought we were going to be done for dinner, we hear a distant creaking noise. The Curry Mee stall was arriving, and before you can utter "glorious food" the orders were piling up already. Needless to say, another bowl of that was in order. Our clients, being the experienced Penang epicurists as they were, offered to bring us to another area for, yes, even more food. We were slightly dumbfounded at their appetite, but relented nonetheless. It was, after all, the main aim of our roadtrip up north.

Just before we showed up at the next makan stop,  I just had to have yet another craving. The much popularised fried chicken skin at Gurney Drive. Oh lordy, the things they do to the chicken...so disgustingly tasty you can't resist. I know I couldn't. Oh, and we grabbed some Apom along the way too....twice. Heheh. After arriving at the next stop, which was just opposite the famous Ghee Hiang Tambun Biscuit shop, is a place that sells Bak Kut Teh. However, that wasn't what we had. The said foodie place, which opens up to the wee hours of the morning, is famous for its tender steamed chicken. So after another hearty plate of food plus yet one more round of dry-fried noodles, we knew we had enough.....or did we? The clients brought us a little further down the road, not for more food (thankfully) but for tea! It was the perfect time for a break.

After about another hour of chatter, we left, with our bellies unsuspectingly...fairly satiated. But we were greedy, so we made one extra stop for the night, at Crepe Cottage on Gurney Drive. Banana Nutella and Mango Crepe never tasted so heavenly. Granted, there was a very long wait time at this mom and pop joint.

I realise at this point (in the blogpost) that I've rambled endlessly purely on food. While I know the true joys that fulfill my life, I shall spare my readers the agony of reliving the remaining adventures of my tastebuds. Day 2's list was not entirely extensive. Sah Hor Fun again with Char Mee Suah and Chee Cheong Fun - Penang styled in the morning at the Pulau Tikus Wet Market area, another fan favourite :), Durian while driving around, and Char Koay Teow, Duck Mee Suah as prmoised and Koay Teow Thng for the colleague for lunch back at Chung Nam. What would deserve a special mention is the Claypot Chicken Rice at Kampar on the way home. Cooked the traditional method, in 3 charcoal-stuffed rows of claypots for different cooking sequences, is an honest, hard working family slaving to bring us the local delicacy. I could write a full paragraph on my observations on their cooking, and what seemed to be a succession plan in the making for this shop, but perhaps that will be elaborated on another day.

All in all,

Devastatingly Delicious,

D

P.S.: Yes, those pics are mine, and I ate all that, though not snapped my camera. :D

The Binge - Part 1

2 of the more fantastic weekends of my year just passed.

A couple of besties and I made a visit to Manila for a friend's wedding and on the following weekend, my colleague and I made a road trip up to Penang.

What's so fantastic? Well... Put it this way, it was like an orgy in my mouth for those 2 weekends. :D

So, who were the orgy players? In the Philippines, I never, ever pass up the chance to eat sisig. You don't want to know what's in sisig. You just want to eat the fatty goodness that's in it. It's that awesome.

Next on the list is a certain specialty belonging to only one geek bar called the Last Home. They humbly call it Seafood Rice, but really, it should be called Atlantic White Gold. In a state of drunken stupor after only one beer and a Long Island (yes, I'm that weak), the rice was shimmering in the dim light of this cozy little bar. I figured they had to have some form of cream in it because the rice felt like it was melting in my mouth. Ooooh....

What's more? Chicharons. Deep fried, mass produced, crunchy pork rinds. An American heritage, I would say. It's like prawn crackers in Malaysia but you get the distinct pork taste instead, and a lot less salt, but a lot more animal fat. It's normally dipped in white vinegar. Great bar snack. Heck, great snack.

Bagoong rice should be right up there with the rest, but this one's the town whore to me, because she just needs to partner up with anyone else. Be it Mr Sisig, Crispy Pata, Lechon, Panga, Bangus, Liempo, Adobo chicken, or any other sensational main man of the dinner table, Bagoong rice goes perfect with it. It's rice fried with shrimp paste, if I recall correctly.

The rest of the list sits right next to the yummy bagoong rice mentioned above. Some I've savoured during the trip, and others were sorely missed. But all just as good and memorable of this hustle and bustle of Metro Manila.

Before I finish up this post and reminisce about Penang for the next post, let's have a few special mentions.

The sweet, sweet desserts must never be left out, and should always be provided a space in my seemingly infinite bowels. Firstly, Turon. Boy did I miss this one, and I did :( because the store wasn't open in toy centre Greenhills. In Malaysia, we have bananas. We have banana pancake with maple syrup - sweeter. Then we have banana fritters - fatter. Then there's turon. It's banana fritters. CARAMALISED. I don't suppose people say the words Sweet Heaven for nothing. This would probably be it. Another good mention would be Halo-halo, although I would contest that this is our Ice Kacang equivalent. Further down this sweet roster would be Polvoron, dried mangoes of Cebu, and a special place for my dear friend KC's wife's cupcakes.

On a separate note, I wish Malaysia brought in Sisig Hooray!, Jolibees and Gerry's Grill. Super non-halal but excellent food. Sure make money.

Dedicated to food, as always,
D

Devising

Just thought I'd give the blog a little twist.

I check every so often on the availability of the blogspot domain for Deicidal. It's finally available.

The next step would be a design, or as bloggers would, a skin, for my blog.

So, let's just see how it goes.

Deviously Designing,
D

Change & Progress.

I've just been told that I won't be seeing my dad very often anymore, due to his work.

In addition, my aunt, who has been with the family for a few years, will be moving to her old home for good due to family matters.

I'm about to be left with half the number of family members living under one roof as compared to last year. This must be what it feels like.

Father's Day had just came and gone, and it seems like Dad got what he wanted... but I'm not sure about us. But hey, it's Father's Day, so it's about damn time some good news came for him.

.....so why can't this wrong mind be take complete joy in it?

Of Flowers and .....Fumbling

First a gay club and now a gay bar. Well.... supposedly. Named after a flower, the Frangipani certainly lived up to its name, in my opinion. Pretty place, pretty people, pretty hectic.
There isn't much to say, cause there wasn't much I did, as much as I wanted to do a lot.
I tried to dance. I drank a little. I kinda felt like a spoilsport, doing most of the things halfway. My friend introduced me to a few of his. But the music was so loud I could barely talk to them. They seemed to do fine, though.

I...am at a loss on what to describe.

Sigh.... what I'm doing? This wrong mind clearly did not think it all through.

This little piggy's going to the Market(Place)

I've never been the clubbing type. I can count the number of visits I've made over the past 10 years with my 2 hands.

However, I've chosen, yet again, to defy my instincts and give it yet another try. Some people say that each experience you have in life is always uniquely different from another's. Let's hope this will be a pleasant one for me.

As luck would have it, I've a friend to whom I recently came out to, and he's been egging me to go with him to the MarketPlace. Yes. The MarketPlace. Jeez, the number of lines and puns I have for this place... waitaminute, I think I'll just make a post out of all the lines I know!

For one, this is one unique meat Market that's pretty popular around town. Apparently, it serves a great deal of beef. And cake. Note that don't mean it in a literal sense, and that the two are not mutually exclusive.

This Place, it Markets itself primarily for dining, with drinking on the side, but those who patronize the place frequently know better. Incidentally, if you don't know yet, the meat Market I just spoke of is a black Market of sorts. Not that it Markets black meat, mind you, although that would be a wildly delicious Place. This happens to be the case because the nation it belongs to has no tolerance for such Markets, officially speaking. Therefore, it relies on underground Marketing to thrive on, i.e. word-of-mouth, contacts, etc.

Personally, I like my Markets the way they are, dirty, smelly, and rich with ingredients. The culinary sort. Although it's been a fantasy for me to Market myself in this Place, I have a grave feeling that I will not like facing that reality, and then I will have no Place to put my face.

Overall, I think we all yearn to find our own Place in this world, and part of us think that we can buy it off a Market. Perhaps, this is why we find ourselves mingling, hustling, grinding and heaving our way through this Market, hoping to satiate our hunger through a delicious one night course. Hoping, that we will no longer feel out of Place.

This wrong mind has fabricated its own Place, and knows that leaving it will be inevitable. It doesn't make the process any less undesirable.

ROCKOUT WITH YOUR ....

You can finish the title. you know you want to.

I was deprived of my regular screaming sessions for months before my exam. Finally, I get one today! With a couple of good friends, whom are very much into the singkeh scene, and the rock scene, I screamed my lungs out! Got a little sore in the throat, but I never lose my voice, so I'm not too worried. No oral sex though. :D

The awesome rockout was followed by a 3 hour yumcha session. It was good catching up with old friends. I was reminded of how much of a geek I was in the past. Still am. We got to talking about games, tech, hardware, etc. It kept going till we forgot about the time. Before I knew it, it was 5pm and we had to leave. Now it's past dinner eating dad's weird...salty-sweet variant of yee mee. I'm chilling with a nice episode from Bones and blogging about the whole laid back weekend experience.

Ah, I've missed this. Not sure if I want to start dating again. It's such a.....confusing experience.

Back, With a Vengeance

It's been a hell of a couple of months, but yes, I'm back. Hopefully for good, this time.

On the whole, I didn't miss the entire experience of giving up everything else in the name of possibly enhancing my career, but I am satisfied somewhat. I think I did okay. Not a guaranteed pass, but there's hope. My fingers are crossed.

What I did like about the experience is that huge wave of relief that rushes through you the moment the clock strikes off the last second of the period. It was the yearn for all that entertainment that kept me going. The friends, the gaming, the sports, the movies, and, oh, the porn. Sometimes I wonder if I picked the right line to work in. Scratch that, I always wonder. One day, when my duty and passion are one and the same, I'll be in peace.

Tomorrow's the Duanwu Festival aka Dragon Boat Festival aka Dumpling Festival. The last of the common names obviously applies the most to me. I'm no connoisseur but I do love my glutinous rice dumplings. There are many dumpling recipes in our big, multi-clan, Chinese food network. There's the yellow dumpling, which is dipped in alkaline water and savoured with sweet dips and sauces - my least favourite. There's the savoury type, sometimes differentiated by clan, or place, like the Hakka dumpling or Shanghainese dumpling. At this point, I went to wiki it. You should too. Looking at it makes me drool. I bought some for dinner, among other foods.

I went crazy with the food., as usual, because after my study binge, comes a food binge. Actually, after any binge, comes a food binge. Even after a food binge, another food binge can come. Sadly, there's a work binge tomorrow. Which means, there'll be another food binge!

Oh love. I'm even looking forward to the work tomorrow. Anything but studying. I'm done with academia for these few years of my life. Honestly.

Lockdown

Just so people know I'm not really dead.

It's gonna take a full month of non-stop hard work if I am to clear this last exam on June 5th.

So, good night, blogosphere.

Next to put to sleep: Twitter & Facebook.

Korea, the experience in a nutshell

How to keep this journal short... hmmm. Oh here we go.

This was our original itinerary. We completed it, in no particular order, and had time to spare for a few extra destinations. Too compressed though, in my opinion.

My favourite parts of the tour has to be the few climbs to Sunrise Peak and Mt Sorak, as well as the Cherry Blossom lanes at Jeju Island. I got a few good photos there, as the day was bright and sunny. The cherry blossom feathers were falling. It was such a beautiful sight. We spent only 15 minutes there. Best time spent ever.

The least favourite part has to be the food. Kimchi in every meal. Granted,there are over 200 types of Kimchi in korea but they're all basically a variety of preserved food. The best 'kimchi' dish to me was this fried beancurd, which is not unlike what we have in Malaysia, except that it's served cold. There are exceptions to the standard Korean fare though, like Ginseng Chicken soup, which was pretty good, and Black Pig... which is really just pork, but they had good seasoning.

Some unforgettable experiences besides the above are:
1. Sleeping on the floor with layers of futon as a mattress ala Japanese style.
2. Heated floors!
3. Electronic toilet seats with front and rear cleaning and a blowdryer. I need to get one of these. My ass will thank me.
4. No supermarkets. None. No Carrefoure, Tesco, nada. Plenty of mini-markets, though.
5. Myeongdong. Bukit Bintang meets Petaling Street. And it still puts both of them to shame.
6. Ladies wearing nothing but a blouse and hot pants in the freezing cold night of 10-17 degrees. Respect.
7. Ladies in make up and heels while hiking up a mountain. Vanity hath mercy...
8. Korean self-preservation trinity: Ginseng, Liver Supplements and Horse Bone/Marrow Pills.
9. Salespeople speaking 3 languages. Korean, Japanese, and Mandarin. I think we can beat them, though. English and Mandarin have a wider regional coverage. heehee.
10. Snow in the mountains! They didn't completely melt.
11. Rent-a-phone, at the airports. Didn't see that one coming.
12. Men in suits, everywhere. I think the weather may be partly to blame, but even shopping in malls with heating we see these glossy suited boys everywhere.
13. One nation, one race. (well, it's hard to tell Korean from Chinese sometimes, we're all from the same roots anyway). Point is, every public servant is of the same race, not a foreign worker or the presumed Indians like our nation. The end result is young boys and pretty girls servicing us most of the time. A pleasant experience.

Oh, and I'm convinced that Korean fashion trumps ours. Hands down. But our instant noodles are better.:)

So there. No wall of text.

Miscalculating The Incalculable.

So here's the thing. I've been meeting a lot of new people. I think only the select few whom actually listen to me when I blabber about the intimate details of my life (and read this blog post) know what I mean.

Like many new experiences, I always make it a point to go about learning as much about them beforehand as possible, and if you're a person who plans, you know that it comes with expectations. These expectations may be more or less than what you truly experience, or to put simply, just different. That's why they're called experiences, or life's lessons, because you can't learn it any way other than living it.

I won't go into the finer details here for my own sake, cuz I've gone through them with you already (you know who you are). So, if you actually bothered to read this post and don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to ask me in person, and I'll gladly explain.

Safe to say, my plans did not go as expected at all. And when things get out of hand, it leaves me frustrated, especially if I can't do anything about it. One of the things which I generally can't do anything about is feeling. Like if something ticks you off, it simply does, and you can't do anything but get ticked off. There's no cure, distraction, or solution to it, except for something that amplifies that feeling. I hate it. Maybe that's why I'm so apathetic when it comes to opinions and advice. I always give the 'middle-path' answer. The open ended answer. The do whatever the fuck you like as long as you're happy and I don't get shit for it. I find that it relieves me of some implied responsibility when things go wrong. I'm fine with sharing the burdens every now and then when bad shit happens, but if I had a hand in it, even indirectly, then it would just really suck for me. Maybe... I just care too easily, so I shy away from it, so that I don't wind up feeling so angry when things turn out badly.

Life's hard enough as it is. I get off on the drama of other people. Why should I add to my own pile of dirty laundry? And subtly air it here to dry?

This wrong mind cannot process feelings the right way.... It cannot rationalise the way some things can just happen as they do... This wrong mind is starting to bleed.

 

....why do people have to leave? :( 

My Underwhelming Euphoria and The Advent of Cyberempathy

Last week has been exciting, just as it should be. The office was recovering from the first half of the Chinese New Year lull and we had a few good rounds of Texas Hold'em Poker. I broke even, after all those bouts of raising and folding.

What was more exciting was my adoption of a smartphone! It's a Blackberry Curve 8520, and belonged to the deputy head of the department. It's not the highest end model, and it lacks 3G and GPS, but that's fine with me. 3G is overrated for now as there isn't much heavy duty bandwidth I require for now and GPS was instantly solved with Google Maps. So that makes the rest of the phone's functions more than adequate for my desires. Did I mention it was gratis? Oh, yes it is! Well, in the sense that I didn't have to fork out any cash for the phone. My part of this bargain was to enter into a mobile plan contract with DiGi to get the phone at a cheaper price for said deputy head (The hunt for the model he wanted deserves an ENTIRE POST ON ITS OWN. hrmph). So I would get his phone for free and he would pay for the newer model. I would be bound by the contract for 2 years and I figured that if I wanted, I could just sell the Curve and get another model, so this would work like a rebate. A depreciating one at that, but hey, in the meantime, I get to pop my smartphone cherry!

Enter day 1 of mobile broadband goodness...ok scratch that, make it day 2, cuz Blackberry and DiGi were completely not talking to each other, at least for my account, so I got stuck with Wi-Fi on day 1. Come day 2, I got most of the much needed applications installed via wi-fi, and was raring to go try em all out. First off, I overestimated the number of Blackberry users out there. Only 6 people were in my Blackberry Messenger list. That makes a sad BBM user out of me. But I brushed it aside, as the BBM's purpose was fulfilled. 5 out of 6 were from my office, whom swear on the BBM's group chat, and till this day (4 days and counting) had not send a word through the group chat. Let me just highlight that this was the main reason for me getting the blackberry.

The second reason, was push email. Yes, it has been around for more than a decade but I was always a late bloomer anyway. This was made the second reason because I can do push on any other smartphone model, and I initially wanted the iPhone 4. So on I went entering the server details etc and voila! E-mail on my phone is alive! I had....0 new mails. Of course, this was understandable as it was (it still is as I write this) the Chinese New Year holidays but I'm a smartphone virgin here! You can't expect me to keep that in mind while I'm ravishing my boss's sloppy seconds like a horny puppy in a sea of bitches in heat!

Ok, work aside, all there is left for the phone to do is social networking. The staples came in and worked like wonders. I couldn't keep my fingers off the device as I scrolled up and down through the apps for various opportunities for me to contribute to the negavortex of tweets, likes and comments. About 10 minutes into this frenzy I worked myself into, I had to look up to stretch my neck. Once I did, I just stared blankly ahead for a while. Then I put the Blackberry aside, lifted my hands forward, and started typing and clicking with my desktop. The negavortex turned into a little twister passing by as I whizzed my virtual hand through it and watched it dissipate into endless cyberspace. By now, you must realise that I had, all this while, been sitting right in front of my PC and communicating with the Blackberry.

Did I finally get to experience the Blackberry at it's best? I did, on day 3, when I was actually on the go. Safe to say, it was one of the most underwhelming experiences I've had, and I had all that anticipated euphoria made up in my mind.

On a separate note, I noticed that people have and always been deducing emotions from chat text. Like, on a Facebook status, someone posted a shoutout on some local tragedy (think freak death) and these 2 people, X and Y responded with the proverbial LOL. A third and fourth person came into the conversation subsequently, one chiming in with X with another LOL and another condemning Y for being so insensitive. Weird, but can people actually perceive a person's intentions just via text? It makes sense to then deduce that such perception is based on the text source's character, or just your impression of that character. Then, you build impressions and form real emotional responses to and from the text.

It's really weird, because today, I got wished a few Happy Valentine's Day from friends. Some wishes I genuinely felt happy for, and others... well, there's just no polite way to put it, is there? Still, I want to describe this feeling as accurately as I can. So here goes: You know when you're friends with some people and others get acquainted along the way, and you somehow get entwined in their social circle and sometimes make interaction out of obligation to the common friend that you share? After that, some of these acquaintances may come up and offer what is seemingly a genuine greeting and well wishes to you, but you can't seem to shake the annoying feeling that you don't really want to interact but you still do anyway because, you know, you're nice? So you reciprocate what feels like awkward conversation for you but YOU feel like they're getting a genuine experience out of it, during which point you're just finding some excuse to leave politely and hopefully not interact with the acquaintance again. It feels like that, and it feels like crap. Because you're not doing a nice thing, yet you're not really getting anything out of it other than leaving a favourable impression on the counterparty.

Describing the above makes the whole thing sound like patronising, but with some form of finesse. I think people do a lot of it in the virtual world nowadays. Sometimes, I feel like I'm at the receiving end, even though it's in text. And it sucks, because it may be me making it up in me head, and talking about it may jeopardise matters further, so I can't confirm it, and I don't like to be left wondering like that. It doesn't help that I'm a bit thick when it comes to these matters. But in the end, I can't really help it, so to hell with it all. They're not gonna rain on my parade.

How powerful are your cyberempathy skills? This wrong mind constantly wonders....

Only Because We Want So Much

This weekend was much needed. Lots of quiet. I like it. That part of me hasn't changed.

But there's a lingering worry in my head. It's work, and because of all the rush, my quiet was briefly disturbed by a few relentless phone calls. I'm used to letting go of work for the weekend, so after the bugging, I put it away. Whomever said that work has to be a passion must be so lucky that their wants and needs coincide. Alas, it's not meant to be for the masses out there. Having said that, I still keep my ideals, and hopefully, nay, someday, I'll get to say it for myself, that my work is my passion.

People keep wanting, and they keep seeing and wanting even more. We were born and blessed with a seed of envy inside us, hence the saying: The grass is always greener on the other side; or, in Chinese: The moon in foreign land seems rounder. Every time a person strives and achieves for something, there's always something more. We'll never be happy this way. Maybe we're just happy to be unhappy, or to be wanting to be happy. The yearn drives us to work harder and harder until we can do no longer. Sounds depressing, doesn't it? Yet, knowing this somehow brings a sense of peace to me. There's a lot to be said, but ultimately it just takes away the worry. The worry about work, health, family, friends, life and death.

I think this state of mind is important, and hope that people share the same thoughts. Just live life the way you can, because the way you want will always be there.

Time to let it all go again and enjoy the quiet, till badminton at 4pm, that is. Then to clean my room for the Chinese New Year. Sundays like these are really beautiful.

It looks like I'm not reaching my Chinese New Year weight goal of 90kg. Still 2kg short. Shame. But I still have a week left. Maybe I'll go crazy and binge the 2kg away, which sounds like a bad idea.

Seeing is Believing

It's about 2 weeks since my last blog post.

Work is picking up, though I suspect it has never slowed down for the bosses. I just got a confirmation on a raise and bonus, though at what number, I don't know. Overall, I feel I've underachieved a bit. I'm doing alright, work wise, but I've yet to meet a specific learning target for myself. In hindsight, I've learned a great deal more on the side, so I'm still happy about it.

I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. No, I'm not going to die. I'm seeing the end to quite a few major milestones in my life. I should be passing my last level of the CFA examination. I should also be clearing off a few installment debts, and seeing the end of financing my brothers' studies. This would allow quite a bit of freedom for me to pursue other wants. Bring on the next milestone!

Of course, I've began to occupy a lot of my time with new plans and programs which have been quite regular. Jogging, working out (consistently, mind you), catching up with the market, and watching more movies, plus the occasional blog post. In the process, I've given up quite a bit of hanging out, TV and gaming, though they haven't completely left my time. Perhaps this is me growing up, seeing where I want to be, knowing how to get there, and believing that I will.

For the upcoming Chinese New Year, here's wishing everyone a thumping good year of the rabbit.

At this point, Daft Punk is still blazing in my stereo. It won't go away anytime soon. Not even with the new Britney number rocking the hit charts.

For the Moments. Those that were and those to come.

Since I was denied my sleep prior to midnight, I shall be posting this entry.

I was showering and preparing to continue watching the ending to Cinema Paradiso. It's such a nice movie that it doesn't occur to me that it is almost 3 hours long.

It's now the first hour of 2011. I don't have any new resolutions. I only wish to keep the resolve I've had for the past year.

Right now, it's like war outside, lots of pops and booms. I managed to hop outside with my brother for a moment to catch the last of the fireworks. The streetlights paled in comparison, and while we were half-heartedly admiring the light show, half a dozen of dogs were scurrying away from the fireworks, cowering from the sound. This reminds me of Fluffy. I still miss him.

We went back upstairs and I went to wish Ma and Pa a Happy New Year. I caught Pa snacking on prawn crackers, which he shouldn't be doing, but it's the New Year, and it's his life.

So I continued on with the movie, and that was followed by the end of this post.

I don't have anything I haven't already resolved to do, like I said earlier. But I do have my list of demands of life. The things that I don't believe are in my control.

Actually, I would really just like to fall in love, for once.

Or maybe it's just the movie talking right now.

Good night, folks, and Happy New Year.