I've just been told that I won't be seeing my dad very often anymore, due to his work.
In addition, my aunt, who has been with the family for a few years, will be moving to her old home for good due to family matters.
I'm about to be left with half the number of family members living under one roof as compared to last year. This must be what it feels like.
Father's Day had just came and gone, and it seems like Dad got what he wanted... but I'm not sure about us. But hey, it's Father's Day, so it's about damn time some good news came for him.
.....so why can't this wrong mind be take complete joy in it?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Of Flowers and .....Fumbling
First a gay club and now a gay bar. Well.... supposedly. Named after a flower, the Frangipani certainly lived up to its name, in my opinion. Pretty place, pretty people, pretty hectic.
There isn't much to say, cause there wasn't much I did, as much as I wanted to do a lot.
I tried to dance. I drank a little. I kinda felt like a spoilsport, doing most of the things halfway. My friend introduced me to a few of his. But the music was so loud I could barely talk to them. They seemed to do fine, though.
I...am at a loss on what to describe.
Sigh.... what I'm doing? This wrong mind clearly did not think it all through.
There isn't much to say, cause there wasn't much I did, as much as I wanted to do a lot.
I tried to dance. I drank a little. I kinda felt like a spoilsport, doing most of the things halfway. My friend introduced me to a few of his. But the music was so loud I could barely talk to them. They seemed to do fine, though.
I...am at a loss on what to describe.
Sigh.... what I'm doing? This wrong mind clearly did not think it all through.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Factoring
I remember about a year ago, I watched a documentary of sorts. It was called The Butch Factor. I should highlight now that the subject of homosexuality and the subjects that extend from there greatly interest me. Naturally, this was a film that talks about the subject and the stereotyping that comes with it. We stereotype. As much as we claim that we don'tm we do it without realising it. When you're fine with it, it's called categorisation, segregation or whatever. When you're not, you call it racism, discrimination, etc. Back to the point. The Butch Factor is a film on gay stereotyping, with a focus on masculinity. I think it sums up the subcultures in our minority community well enough.
This year, however, I stumbled on to what might as well be the sequel to The Butch Factor. Also by Mr. Christopher Hines, is another film obsessed with the subcultures of the gay community. The Adonis Factor, however, is obsessed on gay obsessions, with image, that is. I like the film. I think those who don't already have a grasp on what kind of similarities and disparities among gay people and are too lazy to read about it (and wouldn't mind watching some attractive men on screen) should give these 2 films a go.
And if you're incidentally still reading my boring crap, here's the link to the latter film with a description: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DELVGQ4K
Gay men and their pursuit of physical perfection.
Chiseled bodies, flawless skin, sculpted jawlines. At a time when popular culture objectifies men more than ever, it’s hard for them to avoid the pressure to possess such physical traits. In his follow-up to The Butch Factor, director Christopher Hines exposes how far some will go to attain The Adonis Factor – the kind of god-like masculine beauty only seen in ancient Greek sculptures.: Christopher Hines takes viewers on an eye-opening journey through circuit parties, gay porn, and avant-garde fashion photo shoots, all of which promote their own kinds of idealized physiques. By capturing a diverse range of voices — from those who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of mainstream male beauty, to those who openly spurn it — The Adonis Factor ultimately poses the question: does a man’s fixation on body image make him any happier?
This year, however, I stumbled on to what might as well be the sequel to The Butch Factor. Also by Mr. Christopher Hines, is another film obsessed with the subcultures of the gay community. The Adonis Factor, however, is obsessed on gay obsessions, with image, that is. I like the film. I think those who don't already have a grasp on what kind of similarities and disparities among gay people and are too lazy to read about it (and wouldn't mind watching some attractive men on screen) should give these 2 films a go.
And if you're incidentally still reading my boring crap, here's the link to the latter film with a description: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DELVGQ4K
Gay men and their pursuit of physical perfection.
Chiseled bodies, flawless skin, sculpted jawlines. At a time when popular culture objectifies men more than ever, it’s hard for them to avoid the pressure to possess such physical traits. In his follow-up to The Butch Factor, director Christopher Hines exposes how far some will go to attain The Adonis Factor – the kind of god-like masculine beauty only seen in ancient Greek sculptures.: Christopher Hines takes viewers on an eye-opening journey through circuit parties, gay porn, and avant-garde fashion photo shoots, all of which promote their own kinds of idealized physiques. By capturing a diverse range of voices — from those who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of mainstream male beauty, to those who openly spurn it — The Adonis Factor ultimately poses the question: does a man’s fixation on body image make him any happier?
Saturday, June 18, 2011
This little piggy's going to the Market(Place)
I've never been the clubbing type. I can count the number of visits I've made over the past 10 years with my 2 hands.
However, I've chosen, yet again, to defy my instincts and give it yet another try. Some people say that each experience you have in life is always uniquely different from another's. Let's hope this will be a pleasant one for me.
As luck would have it, I've a friend to whom I recently came out to, and he's been egging me to go with him to the MarketPlace. Yes. The MarketPlace. Jeez, the number of lines and puns I have for this place... waitaminute, I think I'll just make a post out of all the lines I know!
For one, this is one unique meat Market that's pretty popular around town. Apparently, it serves a great deal of beef. And cake. Note that don't mean it in a literal sense, and that the two are not mutually exclusive.
This Place, it Markets itself primarily for dining, with drinking on the side, but those who patronize the place frequently know better. Incidentally, if you don't know yet, the meat Market I just spoke of is a black Market of sorts. Not that it Markets black meat, mind you, although that would be a wildly delicious Place. This happens to be the case because the nation it belongs to has no tolerance for such Markets, officially speaking. Therefore, it relies on underground Marketing to thrive on, i.e. word-of-mouth, contacts, etc.
Personally, I like my Markets the way they are, dirty, smelly, and rich with ingredients. The culinary sort. Although it's been a fantasy for me to Market myself in this Place, I have a grave feeling that I will not like facing that reality, and then I will have no Place to put my face.
Overall, I think we all yearn to find our own Place in this world, and part of us think that we can buy it off a Market. Perhaps, this is why we find ourselves mingling, hustling, grinding and heaving our way through this Market, hoping to satiate our hunger through a delicious one night course. Hoping, that we will no longer feel out of Place.
This wrong mind has fabricated its own Place, and knows that leaving it will be inevitable. It doesn't make the process any less undesirable.
However, I've chosen, yet again, to defy my instincts and give it yet another try. Some people say that each experience you have in life is always uniquely different from another's. Let's hope this will be a pleasant one for me.
As luck would have it, I've a friend to whom I recently came out to, and he's been egging me to go with him to the MarketPlace. Yes. The MarketPlace. Jeez, the number of lines and puns I have for this place... waitaminute, I think I'll just make a post out of all the lines I know!
For one, this is one unique meat Market that's pretty popular around town. Apparently, it serves a great deal of beef. And cake. Note that don't mean it in a literal sense, and that the two are not mutually exclusive.
This Place, it Markets itself primarily for dining, with drinking on the side, but those who patronize the place frequently know better. Incidentally, if you don't know yet, the meat Market I just spoke of is a black Market of sorts. Not that it Markets black meat, mind you, although that would be a wildly delicious Place. This happens to be the case because the nation it belongs to has no tolerance for such Markets, officially speaking. Therefore, it relies on underground Marketing to thrive on, i.e. word-of-mouth, contacts, etc.
Personally, I like my Markets the way they are, dirty, smelly, and rich with ingredients. The culinary sort. Although it's been a fantasy for me to Market myself in this Place, I have a grave feeling that I will not like facing that reality, and then I will have no Place to put my face.
Overall, I think we all yearn to find our own Place in this world, and part of us think that we can buy it off a Market. Perhaps, this is why we find ourselves mingling, hustling, grinding and heaving our way through this Market, hoping to satiate our hunger through a delicious one night course. Hoping, that we will no longer feel out of Place.
This wrong mind has fabricated its own Place, and knows that leaving it will be inevitable. It doesn't make the process any less undesirable.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
ROCKOUT WITH YOUR ....
You can finish the title. you know you want to.
I was deprived of my regular screaming sessions for months before my exam. Finally, I get one today! With a couple of good friends, whom are very much into the singkeh scene, and the rock scene, I screamed my lungs out! Got a little sore in the throat, but I never lose my voice, so I'm not too worried. No oral sex though. :D
The awesome rockout was followed by a 3 hour yumcha session. It was good catching up with old friends. I was reminded of how much of a geek I was in the past. Still am. We got to talking about games, tech, hardware, etc. It kept going till we forgot about the time. Before I knew it, it was 5pm and we had to leave. Now it's past dinner eating dad's weird...salty-sweet variant of yee mee. I'm chilling with a nice episode from Bones and blogging about the whole laid back weekend experience.
Ah, I've missed this. Not sure if I want to start dating again. It's such a.....confusing experience.
I was deprived of my regular screaming sessions for months before my exam. Finally, I get one today! With a couple of good friends, whom are very much into the singkeh scene, and the rock scene, I screamed my lungs out! Got a little sore in the throat, but I never lose my voice, so I'm not too worried. No oral sex though. :D
The awesome rockout was followed by a 3 hour yumcha session. It was good catching up with old friends. I was reminded of how much of a geek I was in the past. Still am. We got to talking about games, tech, hardware, etc. It kept going till we forgot about the time. Before I knew it, it was 5pm and we had to leave. Now it's past dinner eating dad's weird...salty-sweet variant of yee mee. I'm chilling with a nice episode from Bones and blogging about the whole laid back weekend experience.
Ah, I've missed this. Not sure if I want to start dating again. It's such a.....confusing experience.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Standard, or Double?
Just a thought, I had a few friends talking to me about relationships today. The topic generally covered sex and relationship, but what struck me was the similarities between two conversations.
One friend, A, is in a budding relationship. His counterpart was asking to take a step further in the relationship i.e. jumping A's bones, but A is holding off, because he's thinking of starting a serious relationship.
B, another friend, also in a budding relationship, is on his XX'th date with a person he likes, but this time, they've made it official that they're in a relationship, i.e. they're going exclusive....but, they've not slept together
The thing is, A & B both wouldn't even hesitate to go for a quick hook up (not with each other, mind you, you wild minds). BUT, sex is a no-no if they... are 'serious'.
How is it that sex is okay if you're not coupling up, but locked in a sanctimonious chastity vault when you think you've found the love of your life? That's just it. It's a double standard.
The main difference, as A & B would explain, is the emotional connection. There's a great deal of subjectivity to the term, as there was a great deal of subjectivity in A & B's defending their celibacy. As I poked the question to some other friends, they separate the 2 instances of sex to love-making and....well, fucking. So I guess they're seen as 2 different matters in the same act.... ironic? Oh well, some things I can understand, but can't accept. At least, if I don't understand something, I'll just be forced to accept it.
I'd like to say I don't differentiate the two (to clarify, I don't see the two as two different acts, but the same act, just that one is done in conjunction .... WTIH FEELING! :P But who knows? Maybe I'll fall into the social norm as well. Somebody shoot me. I'll pray you're Cupid. I'll go have a double cheeseburger now. That's a lot more acceptable.
One friend, A, is in a budding relationship. His counterpart was asking to take a step further in the relationship i.e. jumping A's bones, but A is holding off, because he's thinking of starting a serious relationship.
B, another friend, also in a budding relationship, is on his XX'th date with a person he likes, but this time, they've made it official that they're in a relationship, i.e. they're going exclusive....but, they've not slept together
The thing is, A & B both wouldn't even hesitate to go for a quick hook up (not with each other, mind you, you wild minds). BUT, sex is a no-no if they... are 'serious'.
How is it that sex is okay if you're not coupling up, but locked in a sanctimonious chastity vault when you think you've found the love of your life? That's just it. It's a double standard.
The main difference, as A & B would explain, is the emotional connection. There's a great deal of subjectivity to the term, as there was a great deal of subjectivity in A & B's defending their celibacy. As I poked the question to some other friends, they separate the 2 instances of sex to love-making and....well, fucking. So I guess they're seen as 2 different matters in the same act.... ironic? Oh well, some things I can understand, but can't accept. At least, if I don't understand something, I'll just be forced to accept it.
I'd like to say I don't differentiate the two (to clarify, I don't see the two as two different acts, but the same act, just that one is done in conjunction .... WTIH FEELING! :P But who knows? Maybe I'll fall into the social norm as well. Somebody shoot me. I'll pray you're Cupid. I'll go have a double cheeseburger now. That's a lot more acceptable.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Back, With a Vengeance
It's been a hell of a couple of months, but yes, I'm back. Hopefully for good, this time.
On the whole, I didn't miss the entire experience of giving up everything else in the name of possibly enhancing my career, but I am satisfied somewhat. I think I did okay. Not a guaranteed pass, but there's hope. My fingers are crossed.
What I did like about the experience is that huge wave of relief that rushes through you the moment the clock strikes off the last second of the period. It was the yearn for all that entertainment that kept me going. The friends, the gaming, the sports, the movies, and, oh, the porn. Sometimes I wonder if I picked the right line to work in. Scratch that, I always wonder. One day, when my duty and passion are one and the same, I'll be in peace.
Tomorrow's the Duanwu Festival aka Dragon Boat Festival aka Dumpling Festival. The last of the common names obviously applies the most to me. I'm no connoisseur but I do love my glutinous rice dumplings. There are many dumpling recipes in our big, multi-clan, Chinese food network. There's the yellow dumpling, which is dipped in alkaline water and savoured with sweet dips and sauces - my least favourite. There's the savoury type, sometimes differentiated by clan, or place, like the Hakka dumpling or Shanghainese dumpling. At this point, I went to wiki it. You should too. Looking at it makes me drool. I bought some for dinner, among other foods.
I went crazy with the food., as usual, because after my study binge, comes a food binge. Actually, after any binge, comes a food binge. Even after a food binge, another food binge can come. Sadly, there's a work binge tomorrow. Which means, there'll be another food binge!
Oh love. I'm even looking forward to the work tomorrow. Anything but studying. I'm done with academia for these few years of my life. Honestly.
On the whole, I didn't miss the entire experience of giving up everything else in the name of possibly enhancing my career, but I am satisfied somewhat. I think I did okay. Not a guaranteed pass, but there's hope. My fingers are crossed.
What I did like about the experience is that huge wave of relief that rushes through you the moment the clock strikes off the last second of the period. It was the yearn for all that entertainment that kept me going. The friends, the gaming, the sports, the movies, and, oh, the porn. Sometimes I wonder if I picked the right line to work in. Scratch that, I always wonder. One day, when my duty and passion are one and the same, I'll be in peace.
Tomorrow's the Duanwu Festival aka Dragon Boat Festival aka Dumpling Festival. The last of the common names obviously applies the most to me. I'm no connoisseur but I do love my glutinous rice dumplings. There are many dumpling recipes in our big, multi-clan, Chinese food network. There's the yellow dumpling, which is dipped in alkaline water and savoured with sweet dips and sauces - my least favourite. There's the savoury type, sometimes differentiated by clan, or place, like the Hakka dumpling or Shanghainese dumpling. At this point, I went to wiki it. You should too. Looking at it makes me drool. I bought some for dinner, among other foods.
I went crazy with the food., as usual, because after my study binge, comes a food binge. Actually, after any binge, comes a food binge. Even after a food binge, another food binge can come. Sadly, there's a work binge tomorrow. Which means, there'll be another food binge!
Oh love. I'm even looking forward to the work tomorrow. Anything but studying. I'm done with academia for these few years of my life. Honestly.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Lockdown
Just so people know I'm not really dead.
It's gonna take a full month of non-stop hard work if I am to clear this last exam on June 5th.
So, good night, blogosphere.
Next to put to sleep: Twitter & Facebook.
It's gonna take a full month of non-stop hard work if I am to clear this last exam on June 5th.
So, good night, blogosphere.
Next to put to sleep: Twitter & Facebook.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Relativism
You're not who you are, but how people perceive you to be. Are you middle class? Are you short? fat? dumber than the average joe? Is it really your fault?
You know it's true. People tell you to stop comparing. But what's left if not for comparison? What's a goal if it's not to be measured, and what is measurement if it's for measurement's sake only? Look at your own goals. Don't say carpe diem just because you can. Look at the specifics. You want to grow, because you feel small. You want to rise because you think you're beneath it all. You want power because you are weak.... You want happiness because you can't look at yourself and say the same.
Today was a day for differences. Some large and some not so much. But it was the day where they are brought to light. We choose to fit in, and we assume it's the case as the days pass without a falling out. Not that there was a falling out today, but the lights shone in some places where people hide things. Things they don't want to be seen. Things that don't fit. I think it's important to fit in, because it's how people function without destroying each other. However, at this age, where individualism is at an ever rising peak of advocacy, the world could be in a larger state of disarray than we can ever imagine, despite the illusion of peace it gives us.
Where do you fit in? How do you compare? When will you be content? It doesn't stop..... and, I don't think it should.
You know it's true. People tell you to stop comparing. But what's left if not for comparison? What's a goal if it's not to be measured, and what is measurement if it's for measurement's sake only? Look at your own goals. Don't say carpe diem just because you can. Look at the specifics. You want to grow, because you feel small. You want to rise because you think you're beneath it all. You want power because you are weak.... You want happiness because you can't look at yourself and say the same.
Today was a day for differences. Some large and some not so much. But it was the day where they are brought to light. We choose to fit in, and we assume it's the case as the days pass without a falling out. Not that there was a falling out today, but the lights shone in some places where people hide things. Things they don't want to be seen. Things that don't fit. I think it's important to fit in, because it's how people function without destroying each other. However, at this age, where individualism is at an ever rising peak of advocacy, the world could be in a larger state of disarray than we can ever imagine, despite the illusion of peace it gives us.
Where do you fit in? How do you compare? When will you be content? It doesn't stop..... and, I don't think it should.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Sometimes I just wish that you would....
Looks like something new is going on the endless loop list.
What happens when you're stuck between so many choices? They're all mutually exclusive, and you just need the upsides to all of them. How do you choose? Do you give up your mind? Your heart? Or your urges?
A wrong mind split in 3 does not make it right at all...
What happens when you're stuck between so many choices? They're all mutually exclusive, and you just need the upsides to all of them. How do you choose? Do you give up your mind? Your heart? Or your urges?
A wrong mind split in 3 does not make it right at all...
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Right Minds That Govern Thee
This really is an outrage. Dahlah pakai iklan syampu tanpa rambut, skarang buat pandai nak 'memulihkan' org pulak. Please check this link out and tell me if you feel as offended.
Boot camp in Malaysia for effeminate boys slammed
Every week I find new reasons I don't want my Malaysian citizenship anymore. I just returned from South Korea and one of the first things the tour guide commented about us Malaysians is the wonderment that we don't migrate. The tour guide is a South Korean born Chinese citizen. He holds a Permant Residentship in South Korea. He can freely stay in both countries and enjoy the full privileges a citizen can in both countries.
Get this. I hold a Malaysian citizenship, and I belong to a class of citizens that do not get a wide range of benefits provided only to certain races of this country. Why the hell am I still here, driving the economy of a bigoted nation? Am I asking for more? No, I'm content with what 'privileges' I'm already entitled to. I simply ask that the rest of the country be treated the same.
Oh woe is this wrong mind, in the land which its blood has been spilt upon.
Boot camp in Malaysia for effeminate boys slammed
Every week I find new reasons I don't want my Malaysian citizenship anymore. I just returned from South Korea and one of the first things the tour guide commented about us Malaysians is the wonderment that we don't migrate. The tour guide is a South Korean born Chinese citizen. He holds a Permant Residentship in South Korea. He can freely stay in both countries and enjoy the full privileges a citizen can in both countries.
Get this. I hold a Malaysian citizenship, and I belong to a class of citizens that do not get a wide range of benefits provided only to certain races of this country. Why the hell am I still here, driving the economy of a bigoted nation? Am I asking for more? No, I'm content with what 'privileges' I'm already entitled to. I simply ask that the rest of the country be treated the same.
Oh woe is this wrong mind, in the land which its blood has been spilt upon.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Oblong
Apparently, there's a Ramly-ish styled burger in the shape of an oblong that I haven't tried. It's supposed to be good. I MUST HAVE IT.
On another note, I'm emotionally stuck. It's not completely unrelated to the above, but it's a matter of relationships. What happens when the both of you click, yet you're not falling head over heels for one another? We say the right things, have quite a few things in common, and sure, a few kinks and dislikes that come together with the package but all things considered, there's a lot more smiling and laughing going on whenever we meet.
....So how am I not physically revving like a raging sportscar!?
Some things are puzzling. This wrong mind needs to know.
On another note, I'm emotionally stuck. It's not completely unrelated to the above, but it's a matter of relationships. What happens when the both of you click, yet you're not falling head over heels for one another? We say the right things, have quite a few things in common, and sure, a few kinks and dislikes that come together with the package but all things considered, there's a lot more smiling and laughing going on whenever we meet.
....So how am I not physically revving like a raging sportscar!?
Some things are puzzling. This wrong mind needs to know.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Korea, the experience in a nutshell
My favourite parts of the tour has to be the few climbs to Sunrise Peak and Mt Sorak, as well as the Cherry Blossom lanes at Jeju Island. I got a few good photos there, as the day was bright and sunny. The cherry blossom feathers were falling. It was such a beautiful sight. We spent only 15 minutes there. Best time spent ever.
The least favourite part has to be the food. Kimchi in every meal. Granted,there are over 200 types of Kimchi in korea but they're all basically a variety of preserved food. The best 'kimchi' dish to me was this fried beancurd, which is not unlike what we have in Malaysia, except that it's served cold. There are exceptions to the standard Korean fare though, like Ginseng Chicken soup, which was pretty good, and Black Pig... which is really just pork, but they had good seasoning.
Some unforgettable experiences besides the above are:
1. Sleeping on the floor with layers of futon as a mattress ala Japanese style.
2. Heated floors!
3. Electronic toilet seats with front and rear cleaning and a blowdryer. I need to get one of these. My ass will thank me.
4. No supermarkets. None. No Carrefoure, Tesco, nada. Plenty of mini-markets, though.
5. Myeongdong. Bukit Bintang meets Petaling Street. And it still puts both of them to shame.
6. Ladies wearing nothing but a blouse and hot pants in the freezing cold night of 10-17 degrees. Respect.
7. Ladies in make up and heels while hiking up a mountain. Vanity hath mercy...
8. Korean self-preservation trinity: Ginseng, Liver Supplements and Horse Bone/Marrow Pills.
9. Salespeople speaking 3 languages. Korean, Japanese, and Mandarin. I think we can beat them, though. English and Mandarin have a wider regional coverage. heehee.
10. Snow in the mountains! They didn't completely melt.
11. Rent-a-phone, at the airports. Didn't see that one coming.
12. Men in suits, everywhere. I think the weather may be partly to blame, but even shopping in malls with heating we see these glossy suited boys everywhere.
13. One nation, one race. (well, it's hard to tell Korean from Chinese sometimes, we're all from the same roots anyway). Point is, every public servant is of the same race, not a foreign worker or the presumed Indians like our nation. The end result is young boys and pretty girls servicing us most of the time. A pleasant experience.
Oh, and I'm convinced that Korean fashion trumps ours. Hands down. But our instant noodles are better.:)
So there. No wall of text.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Seoul - Day 1
The trip has been quite a learning experience so far. We learned how to navigate the subways on the first day, and also learned that ordering food in a foreign restaurant isn’t as hard as we thought it would be. Beef Bulgolgi, beef rib soup and barbecued pork was the order of the night as we wolfed down every juicy bit of meat and vegetable. I absolutely loved it. The part where our last meal was at the airport, more than 9 hours ago, may have something to do with it. Washed my meal down with some soju and went back to the hotel.
Our journey was made pretty convenient, from the airport to the subway and then the hotel. We were guided by a very friendly young man attending the subway office. He walked us all the way to the hotel, which is a lot to speak of considering the people of my country are very unlikely to do the same, or so I believe. All this kindness, while not speaking a single word of English. We couldn’t communicate our gratitude very well to him, so a courteous bow and a foreign-slanged ‘kamsahamnida’ was all we could muster up. Now, I sincerely believe that any foreigner that knows some English, Mandarin or Japanese, would find that making their way through Seoul may not be such a hard thing after all.
The hotel room was quaint. 2 beds, double and single; TV with 90% Korean channels (my roomie managed to find CNN on day 2). Fortunately, there was a LAN port to keep me connected, but not enough time and energy to enter a full blog post.
At this point in time while typing this out, I kinda dozed off on the bus. Woke up close to 6.30 p.m. and it was already dark. We made a few rest stops during this 2 hour long drive which took us to the base of Mt. Sorak. But more of that later.
I feel like the journal-ish blogpost should stop here. I’ll try the posts for my other days of the trip in a different style. So… expect no more wall of text. J
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Miscalculating The Incalculable.
So here's the thing. I've been meeting a lot of new people. I think only the select few whom actually listen to me when I blabber about the intimate details of my life (and read this blog post) know what I mean.
Like many new experiences, I always make it a point to go about learning as much about them beforehand as possible, and if you're a person who plans, you know that it comes with expectations. These expectations may be more or less than what you truly experience, or to put simply, just different. That's why they're called experiences, or life's lessons, because you can't learn it any way other than living it.
I won't go into the finer details here for my own sake, cuz I've gone through them with you already (you know who you are). So, if you actually bothered to read this post and don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to ask me in person, and I'll gladly explain.
Safe to say, my plans did not go as expected at all. And when things get out of hand, it leaves me frustrated, especially if I can't do anything about it. One of the things which I generally can't do anything about is feeling. Like if something ticks you off, it simply does, and you can't do anything but get ticked off. There's no cure, distraction, or solution to it, except for something that amplifies that feeling. I hate it. Maybe that's why I'm so apathetic when it comes to opinions and advice. I always give the 'middle-path' answer. The open ended answer. The do whatever the fuck you like as long as you're happy and I don't get shit for it. I find that it relieves me of some implied responsibility when things go wrong. I'm fine with sharing the burdens every now and then when bad shit happens, but if I had a hand in it, even indirectly, then it would just really suck for me. Maybe... I just care too easily, so I shy away from it, so that I don't wind up feeling so angry when things turn out badly.
Life's hard enough as it is. I get off on the drama of other people. Why should I add to my own pile of dirty laundry? And subtly air it here to dry?
This wrong mind cannot process feelings the right way.... It cannot rationalise the way some things can just happen as they do... This wrong mind is starting to bleed.
Like many new experiences, I always make it a point to go about learning as much about them beforehand as possible, and if you're a person who plans, you know that it comes with expectations. These expectations may be more or less than what you truly experience, or to put simply, just different. That's why they're called experiences, or life's lessons, because you can't learn it any way other than living it.
I won't go into the finer details here for my own sake, cuz I've gone through them with you already (you know who you are). So, if you actually bothered to read this post and don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to ask me in person, and I'll gladly explain.
Safe to say, my plans did not go as expected at all. And when things get out of hand, it leaves me frustrated, especially if I can't do anything about it. One of the things which I generally can't do anything about is feeling. Like if something ticks you off, it simply does, and you can't do anything but get ticked off. There's no cure, distraction, or solution to it, except for something that amplifies that feeling. I hate it. Maybe that's why I'm so apathetic when it comes to opinions and advice. I always give the 'middle-path' answer. The open ended answer. The do whatever the fuck you like as long as you're happy and I don't get shit for it. I find that it relieves me of some implied responsibility when things go wrong. I'm fine with sharing the burdens every now and then when bad shit happens, but if I had a hand in it, even indirectly, then it would just really suck for me. Maybe... I just care too easily, so I shy away from it, so that I don't wind up feeling so angry when things turn out badly.
Life's hard enough as it is. I get off on the drama of other people. Why should I add to my own pile of dirty laundry? And subtly air it here to dry?
This wrong mind cannot process feelings the right way.... It cannot rationalise the way some things can just happen as they do... This wrong mind is starting to bleed.
Monday, February 14, 2011
My Underwhelming Euphoria and The Advent of Cyberempathy
Last week has been exciting, just as it should be. The office was recovering from the first half of the Chinese New Year lull and we had a few good rounds of Texas Hold'em Poker. I broke even, after all those bouts of raising and folding.
What was more exciting was my adoption of a smartphone! It's a Blackberry Curve 8520, and belonged to the deputy head of the department. It's not the highest end model, and it lacks 3G and GPS, but that's fine with me. 3G is overrated for now as there isn't much heavy duty bandwidth I require for now and GPS was instantly solved with Google Maps. So that makes the rest of the phone's functions more than adequate for my desires. Did I mention it was gratis? Oh, yes it is! Well, in the sense that I didn't have to fork out any cash for the phone. My part of this bargain was to enter into a mobile plan contract with DiGi to get the phone at a cheaper price for said deputy head (The hunt for the model he wanted deserves an ENTIRE POST ON ITS OWN. hrmph). So I would get his phone for free and he would pay for the newer model. I would be bound by the contract for 2 years and I figured that if I wanted, I could just sell the Curve and get another model, so this would work like a rebate. A depreciating one at that, but hey, in the meantime, I get to pop my smartphone cherry!
Enter day 1 of mobile broadband goodness...ok scratch that, make it day 2, cuz Blackberry and DiGi were completely not talking to each other, at least for my account, so I got stuck with Wi-Fi on day 1. Come day 2, I got most of the much needed applications installed via wi-fi, and was raring to go try em all out. First off, I overestimated the number of Blackberry users out there. Only 6 people were in my Blackberry Messenger list. That makes a sad BBM user out of me. But I brushed it aside, as the BBM's purpose was fulfilled. 5 out of 6 were from my office, whom swear on the BBM's group chat, and till this day (4 days and counting) had not send a word through the group chat. Let me just highlight that this was the main reason for me getting the blackberry.
The second reason, was push email. Yes, it has been around for more than a decade but I was always a late bloomer anyway. This was made the second reason because I can do push on any other smartphone model, and I initially wanted the iPhone 4. So on I went entering the server details etc and voila! E-mail on my phone is alive! I had....0 new mails. Of course, this was understandable as it was (it still is as I write this) the Chinese New Year holidays but I'm a smartphone virgin here! You can't expect me to keep that in mind while I'm ravishing my boss's sloppy seconds like a horny puppy in a sea of bitches in heat!
Ok, work aside, all there is left for the phone to do is social networking. The staples came in and worked like wonders. I couldn't keep my fingers off the device as I scrolled up and down through the apps for various opportunities for me to contribute to the negavortex of tweets, likes and comments. About 10 minutes into this frenzy I worked myself into, I had to look up to stretch my neck. Once I did, I just stared blankly ahead for a while. Then I put the Blackberry aside, lifted my hands forward, and started typing and clicking with my desktop. The negavortex turned into a little twister passing by as I whizzed my virtual hand through it and watched it dissipate into endless cyberspace. By now, you must realise that I had, all this while, been sitting right in front of my PC and communicating with the Blackberry.
Did I finally get to experience the Blackberry at it's best? I did, on day 3, when I was actually on the go. Safe to say, it was one of the most underwhelming experiences I've had, and I had all that anticipated euphoria made up in my mind.
On a separate note, I noticed that people have and always been deducing emotions from chat text. Like, on a Facebook status, someone posted a shoutout on some local tragedy (think freak death) and these 2 people, X and Y responded with the proverbial LOL. A third and fourth person came into the conversation subsequently, one chiming in with X with another LOL and another condemning Y for being so insensitive. Weird, but can people actually perceive a person's intentions just via text? It makes sense to then deduce that such perception is based on the text source's character, or just your impression of that character. Then, you build impressions and form real emotional responses to and from the text.
It's really weird, because today, I got wished a few Happy Valentine's Day from friends. Some wishes I genuinely felt happy for, and others... well, there's just no polite way to put it, is there? Still, I want to describe this feeling as accurately as I can. So here goes: You know when you're friends with some people and others get acquainted along the way, and you somehow get entwined in their social circle and sometimes make interaction out of obligation to the common friend that you share? After that, some of these acquaintances may come up and offer what is seemingly a genuine greeting and well wishes to you, but you can't seem to shake the annoying feeling that you don't really want to interact but you still do anyway because, you know, you're nice? So you reciprocate what feels like awkward conversation for you but YOU feel like they're getting a genuine experience out of it, during which point you're just finding some excuse to leave politely and hopefully not interact with the acquaintance again. It feels like that, and it feels like crap. Because you're not doing a nice thing, yet you're not really getting anything out of it other than leaving a favourable impression on the counterparty.
Describing the above makes the whole thing sound like patronising, but with some form of finesse. I think people do a lot of it in the virtual world nowadays. Sometimes, I feel like I'm at the receiving end, even though it's in text. And it sucks, because it may be me making it up in me head, and talking about it may jeopardise matters further, so I can't confirm it, and I don't like to be left wondering like that. It doesn't help that I'm a bit thick when it comes to these matters. But in the end, I can't really help it, so to hell with it all. They're not gonna rain on my parade.
How powerful are your cyberempathy skills? This wrong mind constantly wonders....
What was more exciting was my adoption of a smartphone! It's a Blackberry Curve 8520, and belonged to the deputy head of the department. It's not the highest end model, and it lacks 3G and GPS, but that's fine with me. 3G is overrated for now as there isn't much heavy duty bandwidth I require for now and GPS was instantly solved with Google Maps. So that makes the rest of the phone's functions more than adequate for my desires. Did I mention it was gratis? Oh, yes it is! Well, in the sense that I didn't have to fork out any cash for the phone. My part of this bargain was to enter into a mobile plan contract with DiGi to get the phone at a cheaper price for said deputy head (The hunt for the model he wanted deserves an ENTIRE POST ON ITS OWN. hrmph). So I would get his phone for free and he would pay for the newer model. I would be bound by the contract for 2 years and I figured that if I wanted, I could just sell the Curve and get another model, so this would work like a rebate. A depreciating one at that, but hey, in the meantime, I get to pop my smartphone cherry!
Enter day 1 of mobile broadband goodness...ok scratch that, make it day 2, cuz Blackberry and DiGi were completely not talking to each other, at least for my account, so I got stuck with Wi-Fi on day 1. Come day 2, I got most of the much needed applications installed via wi-fi, and was raring to go try em all out. First off, I overestimated the number of Blackberry users out there. Only 6 people were in my Blackberry Messenger list. That makes a sad BBM user out of me. But I brushed it aside, as the BBM's purpose was fulfilled. 5 out of 6 were from my office, whom swear on the BBM's group chat, and till this day (4 days and counting) had not send a word through the group chat. Let me just highlight that this was the main reason for me getting the blackberry.
The second reason, was push email. Yes, it has been around for more than a decade but I was always a late bloomer anyway. This was made the second reason because I can do push on any other smartphone model, and I initially wanted the iPhone 4. So on I went entering the server details etc and voila! E-mail on my phone is alive! I had....0 new mails. Of course, this was understandable as it was (it still is as I write this) the Chinese New Year holidays but I'm a smartphone virgin here! You can't expect me to keep that in mind while I'm ravishing my boss's sloppy seconds like a horny puppy in a sea of bitches in heat!
Ok, work aside, all there is left for the phone to do is social networking. The staples came in and worked like wonders. I couldn't keep my fingers off the device as I scrolled up and down through the apps for various opportunities for me to contribute to the negavortex of tweets, likes and comments. About 10 minutes into this frenzy I worked myself into, I had to look up to stretch my neck. Once I did, I just stared blankly ahead for a while. Then I put the Blackberry aside, lifted my hands forward, and started typing and clicking with my desktop. The negavortex turned into a little twister passing by as I whizzed my virtual hand through it and watched it dissipate into endless cyberspace. By now, you must realise that I had, all this while, been sitting right in front of my PC and communicating with the Blackberry.
Did I finally get to experience the Blackberry at it's best? I did, on day 3, when I was actually on the go. Safe to say, it was one of the most underwhelming experiences I've had, and I had all that anticipated euphoria made up in my mind.
On a separate note, I noticed that people have and always been deducing emotions from chat text. Like, on a Facebook status, someone posted a shoutout on some local tragedy (think freak death) and these 2 people, X and Y responded with the proverbial LOL. A third and fourth person came into the conversation subsequently, one chiming in with X with another LOL and another condemning Y for being so insensitive. Weird, but can people actually perceive a person's intentions just via text? It makes sense to then deduce that such perception is based on the text source's character, or just your impression of that character. Then, you build impressions and form real emotional responses to and from the text.
It's really weird, because today, I got wished a few Happy Valentine's Day from friends. Some wishes I genuinely felt happy for, and others... well, there's just no polite way to put it, is there? Still, I want to describe this feeling as accurately as I can. So here goes: You know when you're friends with some people and others get acquainted along the way, and you somehow get entwined in their social circle and sometimes make interaction out of obligation to the common friend that you share? After that, some of these acquaintances may come up and offer what is seemingly a genuine greeting and well wishes to you, but you can't seem to shake the annoying feeling that you don't really want to interact but you still do anyway because, you know, you're nice? So you reciprocate what feels like awkward conversation for you but YOU feel like they're getting a genuine experience out of it, during which point you're just finding some excuse to leave politely and hopefully not interact with the acquaintance again. It feels like that, and it feels like crap. Because you're not doing a nice thing, yet you're not really getting anything out of it other than leaving a favourable impression on the counterparty.
Describing the above makes the whole thing sound like patronising, but with some form of finesse. I think people do a lot of it in the virtual world nowadays. Sometimes, I feel like I'm at the receiving end, even though it's in text. And it sucks, because it may be me making it up in me head, and talking about it may jeopardise matters further, so I can't confirm it, and I don't like to be left wondering like that. It doesn't help that I'm a bit thick when it comes to these matters. But in the end, I can't really help it, so to hell with it all. They're not gonna rain on my parade.
How powerful are your cyberempathy skills? This wrong mind constantly wonders....
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Only Because We Want So Much
This weekend was much needed. Lots of quiet. I like it. That part of me hasn't changed.
But there's a lingering worry in my head. It's work, and because of all the rush, my quiet was briefly disturbed by a few relentless phone calls. I'm used to letting go of work for the weekend, so after the bugging, I put it away. Whomever said that work has to be a passion must be so lucky that their wants and needs coincide. Alas, it's not meant to be for the masses out there. Having said that, I still keep my ideals, and hopefully, nay, someday, I'll get to say it for myself, that my work is my passion.
People keep wanting, and they keep seeing and wanting even more. We were born and blessed with a seed of envy inside us, hence the saying: The grass is always greener on the other side; or, in Chinese: The moon in foreign land seems rounder. Every time a person strives and achieves for something, there's always something more. We'll never be happy this way. Maybe we're just happy to be unhappy, or to be wanting to be happy. The yearn drives us to work harder and harder until we can do no longer. Sounds depressing, doesn't it? Yet, knowing this somehow brings a sense of peace to me. There's a lot to be said, but ultimately it just takes away the worry. The worry about work, health, family, friends, life and death.
I think this state of mind is important, and hope that people share the same thoughts. Just live life the way you can, because the way you want will always be there.
Time to let it all go again and enjoy the quiet, till badminton at 4pm, that is. Then to clean my room for the Chinese New Year. Sundays like these are really beautiful.
It looks like I'm not reaching my Chinese New Year weight goal of 90kg. Still 2kg short. Shame. But I still have a week left. Maybe I'll go crazy and binge the 2kg away, which sounds like a bad idea.
But there's a lingering worry in my head. It's work, and because of all the rush, my quiet was briefly disturbed by a few relentless phone calls. I'm used to letting go of work for the weekend, so after the bugging, I put it away. Whomever said that work has to be a passion must be so lucky that their wants and needs coincide. Alas, it's not meant to be for the masses out there. Having said that, I still keep my ideals, and hopefully, nay, someday, I'll get to say it for myself, that my work is my passion.
People keep wanting, and they keep seeing and wanting even more. We were born and blessed with a seed of envy inside us, hence the saying: The grass is always greener on the other side; or, in Chinese: The moon in foreign land seems rounder. Every time a person strives and achieves for something, there's always something more. We'll never be happy this way. Maybe we're just happy to be unhappy, or to be wanting to be happy. The yearn drives us to work harder and harder until we can do no longer. Sounds depressing, doesn't it? Yet, knowing this somehow brings a sense of peace to me. There's a lot to be said, but ultimately it just takes away the worry. The worry about work, health, family, friends, life and death.
I think this state of mind is important, and hope that people share the same thoughts. Just live life the way you can, because the way you want will always be there.
Time to let it all go again and enjoy the quiet, till badminton at 4pm, that is. Then to clean my room for the Chinese New Year. Sundays like these are really beautiful.
It looks like I'm not reaching my Chinese New Year weight goal of 90kg. Still 2kg short. Shame. But I still have a week left. Maybe I'll go crazy and binge the 2kg away, which sounds like a bad idea.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Seeing is Believing
It's about 2 weeks since my last blog post.
Work is picking up, though I suspect it has never slowed down for the bosses. I just got a confirmation on a raise and bonus, though at what number, I don't know. Overall, I feel I've underachieved a bit. I'm doing alright, work wise, but I've yet to meet a specific learning target for myself. In hindsight, I've learned a great deal more on the side, so I'm still happy about it.
I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. No, I'm not going to die. I'm seeing the end to quite a few major milestones in my life. I should be passing my last level of the CFA examination. I should also be clearing off a few installment debts, and seeing the end of financing my brothers' studies. This would allow quite a bit of freedom for me to pursue other wants. Bring on the next milestone!
Of course, I've began to occupy a lot of my time with new plans and programs which have been quite regular. Jogging, working out (consistently, mind you), catching up with the market, and watching more movies, plus the occasional blog post. In the process, I've given up quite a bit of hanging out, TV and gaming, though they haven't completely left my time. Perhaps this is me growing up, seeing where I want to be, knowing how to get there, and believing that I will.
For the upcoming Chinese New Year, here's wishing everyone a thumping good year of the rabbit.
At this point, Daft Punk is still blazing in my stereo. It won't go away anytime soon. Not even with the new Britney number rocking the hit charts.
Work is picking up, though I suspect it has never slowed down for the bosses. I just got a confirmation on a raise and bonus, though at what number, I don't know. Overall, I feel I've underachieved a bit. I'm doing alright, work wise, but I've yet to meet a specific learning target for myself. In hindsight, I've learned a great deal more on the side, so I'm still happy about it.
I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. No, I'm not going to die. I'm seeing the end to quite a few major milestones in my life. I should be passing my last level of the CFA examination. I should also be clearing off a few installment debts, and seeing the end of financing my brothers' studies. This would allow quite a bit of freedom for me to pursue other wants. Bring on the next milestone!
Of course, I've began to occupy a lot of my time with new plans and programs which have been quite regular. Jogging, working out (consistently, mind you), catching up with the market, and watching more movies, plus the occasional blog post. In the process, I've given up quite a bit of hanging out, TV and gaming, though they haven't completely left my time. Perhaps this is me growing up, seeing where I want to be, knowing how to get there, and believing that I will.
For the upcoming Chinese New Year, here's wishing everyone a thumping good year of the rabbit.
At this point, Daft Punk is still blazing in my stereo. It won't go away anytime soon. Not even with the new Britney number rocking the hit charts.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
For the Moments. Those that were and those to come.
Since I was denied my sleep prior to midnight, I shall be posting this entry.
I was showering and preparing to continue watching the ending to Cinema Paradiso. It's such a nice movie that it doesn't occur to me that it is almost 3 hours long.
It's now the first hour of 2011. I don't have any new resolutions. I only wish to keep the resolve I've had for the past year.
Right now, it's like war outside, lots of pops and booms. I managed to hop outside with my brother for a moment to catch the last of the fireworks. The streetlights paled in comparison, and while we were half-heartedly admiring the light show, half a dozen of dogs were scurrying away from the fireworks, cowering from the sound. This reminds me of Fluffy. I still miss him.
We went back upstairs and I went to wish Ma and Pa a Happy New Year. I caught Pa snacking on prawn crackers, which he shouldn't be doing, but it's the New Year, and it's his life.
So I continued on with the movie, and that was followed by the end of this post.
I don't have anything I haven't already resolved to do, like I said earlier. But I do have my list of demands of life. The things that I don't believe are in my control.
Actually, I would really just like to fall in love, for once.
Or maybe it's just the movie talking right now.
Good night, folks, and Happy New Year.
I was showering and preparing to continue watching the ending to Cinema Paradiso. It's such a nice movie that it doesn't occur to me that it is almost 3 hours long.
It's now the first hour of 2011. I don't have any new resolutions. I only wish to keep the resolve I've had for the past year.
Right now, it's like war outside, lots of pops and booms. I managed to hop outside with my brother for a moment to catch the last of the fireworks. The streetlights paled in comparison, and while we were half-heartedly admiring the light show, half a dozen of dogs were scurrying away from the fireworks, cowering from the sound. This reminds me of Fluffy. I still miss him.
We went back upstairs and I went to wish Ma and Pa a Happy New Year. I caught Pa snacking on prawn crackers, which he shouldn't be doing, but it's the New Year, and it's his life.
So I continued on with the movie, and that was followed by the end of this post.
I don't have anything I haven't already resolved to do, like I said earlier. But I do have my list of demands of life. The things that I don't believe are in my control.
Actually, I would really just like to fall in love, for once.
Or maybe it's just the movie talking right now.
Good night, folks, and Happy New Year.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Growing Old, Growing Up, Growing Apart
I had an amazing year.
It started out with the beginning of a new job, which would be a stepping stone to another one within the same industry. I had the fortune of meeting so many new people and learned a great deal from them, and from many aspects too. I'm finally 25, and growing old has never meant so little to me.
This year would mark the first year I officially stepped into the world of corporate finance. Given the opportunity, I wish I could have done so earlier. I think I would've made it a lot further and happier today. I've made a few big mistakes here and there. Some were repercussions of my rash decisions and some were roads to hell paved with my misguided good intentions. I've tried to make amends, and hopefully no one holds a serious grudge against me. Still, it seems that growing up may have made me more myopic. I think for myself now more than ever, and give less regard for other opinions. Ironically, I've also read more and expanded my horizon, acknowledging more possibilities and understanding many new points of view. This has simply convinced me even more that I should stand my ground and hold my own every time I am challenged. So I've grown up a little, and sometimes I still wish I hadn't.
I feel like my thoughts are more composed this year. I'm not as scattered as I was a few years back, where I would just piece in whatever I can think of just to form a sentence. I also feel like I've cemented my character somewhat, and as a result, I've set myself in a direction with more certainty. I've set a few concrete goals, and I'm already halfway there in achieving some. But I've taken on too much and not giving myself enough time to keep up.
Many people seem to think that the more we grow up, the more the blacks and whites become gray. I think it's completely the opposite. I think people just lose themselves while growing up, because we were taught the blacks and whites , the rights and wrongs, and the do's and don'ts since we were young and they should have never left us. Because as we grow up, we learn more, and instead of letting our learning muddle and confuse our character, we should let it reinforce our hearts and minds. Saying "it's complicated" is just an excuse for being ignorant, indecisive, or weak.
On another note, as I venture further into the unfamiliar grounds of this world, I've left the roads I've trodden untouched, as many of us inevitably do while moving forward in life. For better or worse, it has happened. We've all grown apart, and as much as I still cherish and hold these bonds and banes (yes, they all matter) close to my heart, I've got to keep moving, and can only pray that these paths cross again.
This wrong mind thinks that the right heart it's stuck with, may not have been right after all
It started out with the beginning of a new job, which would be a stepping stone to another one within the same industry. I had the fortune of meeting so many new people and learned a great deal from them, and from many aspects too. I'm finally 25, and growing old has never meant so little to me.
This year would mark the first year I officially stepped into the world of corporate finance. Given the opportunity, I wish I could have done so earlier. I think I would've made it a lot further and happier today. I've made a few big mistakes here and there. Some were repercussions of my rash decisions and some were roads to hell paved with my misguided good intentions. I've tried to make amends, and hopefully no one holds a serious grudge against me. Still, it seems that growing up may have made me more myopic. I think for myself now more than ever, and give less regard for other opinions. Ironically, I've also read more and expanded my horizon, acknowledging more possibilities and understanding many new points of view. This has simply convinced me even more that I should stand my ground and hold my own every time I am challenged. So I've grown up a little, and sometimes I still wish I hadn't.
I feel like my thoughts are more composed this year. I'm not as scattered as I was a few years back, where I would just piece in whatever I can think of just to form a sentence. I also feel like I've cemented my character somewhat, and as a result, I've set myself in a direction with more certainty. I've set a few concrete goals, and I'm already halfway there in achieving some. But I've taken on too much and not giving myself enough time to keep up.
Many people seem to think that the more we grow up, the more the blacks and whites become gray. I think it's completely the opposite. I think people just lose themselves while growing up, because we were taught the blacks and whites , the rights and wrongs, and the do's and don'ts since we were young and they should have never left us. Because as we grow up, we learn more, and instead of letting our learning muddle and confuse our character, we should let it reinforce our hearts and minds. Saying "it's complicated" is just an excuse for being ignorant, indecisive, or weak.
On another note, as I venture further into the unfamiliar grounds of this world, I've left the roads I've trodden untouched, as many of us inevitably do while moving forward in life. For better or worse, it has happened. We've all grown apart, and as much as I still cherish and hold these bonds and banes (yes, they all matter) close to my heart, I've got to keep moving, and can only pray that these paths cross again.
This wrong mind thinks that the right heart it's stuck with, may not have been right after all
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)