Marriage In The Malaysian Chinese Culture

It's coming to the end of year 2010. I'm at about a third of the average Malaysian lifespan. It just so happens that during this year, many people are getting married, with more announced to come next year.


I've gotten to thinking: Until I was part of a wedding ceremony where I was really close to the couple, I had never felt so much as a tingle in a wedding. It came as a surprised to me. I felt moved by the vows, touched by the families and friends who gave their best wishes, and I was floored by that brief moment of silence where words could not escape a mouth in the chapel. It was a beautiful moment. Love was truly in the air, and it was a celebration etched in my heart forever.


In hindsight, I began pondering the past weddings I've attended. I would never have thought of the married couple. The entire process would be just that - a process. The courtesies would be extended. The tables would be filled; Glasses raised and toasted to a proverbial eternity. Hundreds of people from families extended to the third degree will worship you for a day and be done with it, looking forward to the next. I can't help but wonder what the whole point of it all is, because I just don't feel the love.


Chinese culture in dictates 4 main ceremonies: The proposal, the pre-wedding, the wedding day, and the wedding night. In Malaysia and in such commercial/modern times, the first and last ones are ignored as it is more on superstition. There is much more practicality and celebration (which goes hand in hand with commercialisation) in the middle two ceremonies. To cut it short, the majority of the pre-wedding involves decoration and dowry, while the wedding day involves a lot of feasting and traveling. This translates to inter alia a hefty budget. Having said all that, and in the wise words of the Black Eyed Peas: Where Is The Love? Isn't that what leads to marriage in the first place?


I've heard many an explanation. Some give the excuse that the large budget is a sign of how much love you have for each other. Some say it's to let everyone know and celebrate your once-in-a-lifetime occassion. But the explanation I found most appropriate is that it's an age old tradition where in each act and item symbolically represents the commitment of the couple to each other. In our culture, we must celebrate it, and so it is imperative that it be made known to the world that a man and a woman have paired up and are now praying for a hundred children (ouch). Marriage is a celebration by itself, and in this day and age, it has become stereotypical. The love has always been there, taken for granted.


But love comes in many forms. I have witnessed quite a few. The media today has even given us a multitude of examples we have not seen, and there is much more where that came from. Yet the predominance of these ceremonies have it drilled in our thick skulls that marriage, which is by extension, love, is defined within the walls of our heritage. Now I sound like an ingrate bastard child set out to revolutionise our cultural identities. But I digress, so this brings me back to the first question: What is the point of marriage?


Me and my wrong mind think that it's simply a social milestone that's been in our heritage for heritage's sake. That said, I'm glad that I have the honour of experiencing one of the happiest marriages I've ever seen. So I conclude: It's the union that I covet, and the love that I seek. Marriage is simply an avenue of celebrating it all. I just don't see it happening for me. 


Here's to your happily ever after. YUUUUMMMMMMMM-SENG!